Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
one might say we're banned from that church
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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