Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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