For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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