My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
