Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
