please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
