Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
