Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
