I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Can you bring me the toilet please
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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