sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
