man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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