there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
