Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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