My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
