so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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