I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
