I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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