I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
