I never want to see another naked old woman again.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
