Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
