yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
