So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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