I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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