just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
where does the pee come out of this thing
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
