and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
