Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I wish they made helmets for livers.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
