Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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