Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I can't turn off my feet"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
