Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
