life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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