Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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