I want to walk on stilts...naked
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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