"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
