Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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