Whatcha textin bout Willis?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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