Just cropdusted the office
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
