Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
She said her name was "party"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
