Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
