So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
