I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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