normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
