i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
My vagina just recognized that song.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
