My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i would one night stand the shit outta him
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
