Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
