Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
