I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
