I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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