Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
