I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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