guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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