Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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