i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
