So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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