I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
