Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
