Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just gift wrapped bread.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
